so already this year I’ve personally had 37 different smartphones stashed in my pants some have been good some have been so boring that I could burst into tears and one was so depressingly cack that I’d rather have an agitated raccoon stuffed in my shorts give me a severely slash scrotum over a soden iPhone any day of the week and you don’t want to know how many takes it took me to say severely slashed scrotum but hey we’re not even halfway through the year yet which means you can expect another 40 odd smartphones to emerge before 2025 is finally hoed into the overflowing dumpster fire of years that are best obliterated from memory but which of course Google Photos won’t ever let you sudden forget so grab yourself a stiff drink and buckle your belt and get the Kleenex handy here’s a half-heartedly researched squint at some of the biggest and best Android phones coming in the next couple of months jingle me weekly so let’s start with one of the biggest and some online leaky blogs reckon that Google will be launching its fresh new Pixel 10 series on August the 20th and it seems that little has changed over last year so you can expect a Pixel 10 Pixel 10 Pro Pixel 10 Pro XL and that big old bendy bugger the Pixel 10 Pro Fold all sporting very similar looks to this A9 series so why they’re still a bit too iPhoney for my liking but still the regular Pixel 10 should apparently come in some rather striking colors including ultra blue smoky green and lemon cello that last one already predictably your uncle’s spurts pick of the bunch honestly I wish that all phones came in a booze inspired selection of colors perhaps an Aftershock range for instance so your phone can match the color of your piss after a night down the big market meanwhile the Pro models will apparently come in the usual selection of whites blacks and grays plus that smoky green but not a lemon cello in sight and of course you can expect a fresh tensor chipset which is no longer pumped out by Samsung but rather the catchy named Taiwan semiconductor manufacturing company although it sounds like Google will go with the same Exynus 5400 modem that you saw in the Pixel 9 as for the camera tech well apparently the hardware for the Pro models will be unchanged from last year while Google has gone for smaller sensors for the Pixel 10 but also crammed in a bonus telephoto shooter which was missing from previous base flagships the smaller sensors would be less effective in lower light situations but hopefully Google has managed to tweak its processing smart so looks just as good as always and if the Pixel 10 wants to call itself a flagship would be great to see a proper telephoto lens slapped on there especially as we’re seeing mid-range smartphones like the Nothing Phone 3a and 3a Pro emerge with that technology for just 300 400 quid now the Nothing Phone 3 will be one of the first big launches of the summer already booked in for the 1st of July and I already banged on about it for a good 3 and 1/2 minutes in last week’s episode so go give that a squint if you want to know more or you know don’t if you don’t want to i’m not the boss of you and technically I’m not the boss of anyone except for Mr wang sock and he doesn’t listen to a bloody word I say listen to you i can barely even look at you without vomiting blood you pig ugly but yeah long story short appears to be getting more expensive replace the glyph lighting with dot matrix shenanigans and hopefully top end specs and of course Samsung is also expected to spuff out its fresh flexible phones sometime in July the Fold and Flip 7 with the promise that the Fold 7 will be the thinnest lightest and most advanced foldable yet bold words for sure as there’s some pretty skinny Jobies out there the likes of the Oppo Find N5 and the Honor Magic V3 unless of course what Samsung actually means by that statement is the thinnest lightest foldable that they have ever produced in which case it just needs to be marginally slimmer than Jason Mimoa’s thigh and as well as a skinny design the ZFold 7 will apparently also boast a creaseless screen which is tech that Samsung showed off at MWC and in their own words the Fold 7 will come packing ultra specs so you can expect a big upgrade to the camera tech presumably with the same 200 meg sensor stuffed in that S25 Ultra flagship and another upcoming foldable that’s got my trousers tingling is the Honor Magic V5 and if you’re wondering hang on what actually happened to the Honor Magic V4 well Honor has skipped straight from the V3 to the V5 because the Chinese consider the number four to be unlucky and that’s because if you see the number four four times in front of a mirror the count from Sesame Street pops through the window and bites your face off the Magic V5 is apparently even skinnier than the V3 possibly ripping the crown from the Oppo Find 5’s head while Honor has also reportedly boosted the battery capacity to a chin strokingly massive 6,100 miamp now you could also of course expect Snapdragon Elite performance and upgraded camera tech possibly including a 200meg telephoto shooter that is as long as these leaks don’t turn out to be as Jeff Goldblum once perfectly summed up a big pile of last up although it is lacking in Google goodness as usual don’t forget the Huawei Pur series which literally just launched in China these should be rolled out globally in July boast of the usual fancy pants camera tech and trouser tent inducing design and there you have it my lovelies that’s some of the biggest and best smartphones set to launch in the next couple of months but which one really your pistol definitely let us know down in the comments below and now make sure you’ve got some paramedics on speed dial because this next bit so tremendous it’ll probably give you a stroke uncle spurts we won it’s a short review not his penis say hello to the Innova slushie machine so now you too can recreate those brain poundingly boozy slushes from your Tenneref all-inclusive extravaganza right there on your sofa this clever wee bugger can’t just spuff out a slushie though it can also knock up a perfectly good milkshake or frappe or any cold thing that you pour down your throat all you have to do is hoist stuff in the top tell it what to make and then bugger off and do something else for about an hour or so until your drink is ready the actual time required will depend on the ingredients the volume and how thick you like it for your mom that will definitely be extra thick wink wink for my first forayer I opted for a simple beer slushie using a suitably wanky fruity logger although I possibly got a wee bit carried away when selecting the thickness so it ended up slightly more firm than expected it was certainly the only beer that I’ve ever needed a spoon for but hey it was still pretty bloody lovely even if the brain freeze me up worse than the actual alcohol content you can bung a couple of lers of liquid in there at any given time with the only stipulation being it has to contain at least 5% sugar and if you’re hoying booze in there well the alcohol content has to be between 2.8% and 16% so no sadly you can’t just chuck a bottle of whiskey in there and get yourself a single mold slushie but you can’t create yourself a dark and stormy slushie or something of that ilk and our milkshake experiments were certainly more successful than the beer efforts and that you were slightly less likely to choke on them this thing spunked out a delicious biscoff frappe which I’m thinking of bottling and selling to in shortage for 20 quid a pop and once you’re all done thankfully it’s not too much effort to whip off all the main bits and give them a good old rinse ready for the next time my only real complaint is that the Inaviva slushy machine could do with some sort of magical timer that’ll tell you roughly how long it’ll be until your slushie or frap or whatever is ready but apart from that we grumble it’s a cracking kitchen accessory arriving just in time for another wash out British summer uncle Spew one it’s a short review not his penis so that’s my we won for another week now it’s time for the part of the show that makes my head hurt even worse than a beer slushie it’s fewer comments fewer comments i’m not going anywhere let’s start this week with Strive who says “The fact that you’re justing out a new video every day is actually amazing.” Yeah out that metaphor is rather apt now it’s pumping out like a video a day just seems natural to me and I’m certainly not working half as hard as I used to when I had a proper job like when I was at Mobile Choice magazine and my entire team basically consisted of me doing the magazine and website and everything i think it was about that sort of time that my relationship with alcohol blossomed from heavy petting to a fullblown bkake fest jesus says “The Johnny Vegas cameo was wild it’s the crossover we didn’t know we needed.” Let’s face it there’s few things on this planet that couldn’t be improved with a wee bit of Johnny l3 says “Hey watching this instead of all of those Nintendo Switch 2 reviews.” And Xerxes Vortiger is that your actual real name cuz if so you’ve got the coolesting name outside of a James Bond film says “Hi Uncle Spert are you going to be doing a Switch 2 review despite your general lack of available time and overworked wrist issues?” So I lots and lots of comments asking where the hell is my Switch 2 review and no for once I didn’t just get drunk and forget nintendo UK just hasn’t sent me one in for review yet hopefully soon now at first I was a wee bit worried that they might not want their lovely new console appearing on such a vulgar pottymouthed channel as it might ruin their familyfriendly image but then I remembered that approximately 80% of the Switch online store consists of homemade hentai games where the object is to the every Yeah Switch 2 looks banging despite the crazy price of the games and everything so hopefully full review soon and Zer is also asking uh do you still have that brewing machine and how’s that going for you keep up the good work i can’t wait to see the local derby back next season how the lads uh the brewing machine the I Gulu I do indeed still have it’s in the garage i occasionally bust it out to uh try and produce a slightly less fizzy brew than my first effort but the next one I’m going to try is a stout just a nice regular stout no weird caramelly marshmallowy bollocks and that diabetes in a glass and abso freakingutely mate how we the lads it’s it still seems unreal us being back in the Premier League after what 8 years or whatever although after the wheels Belgium VA debacle I’m not looking forward to that so much luna Vision says the audiobook sample was gold i would definitely purchase the full version all right so there you have it that’s my plan B for when AI renders us content creators completely redundant although presumably all audio books are just going to be read by AI as well so I guess I’ll actually just go off and live in a cave somewhere licking the lykan off the walls a bit of feedback for my Doom review in the last episode as well badassid says “Best video game review ever.” And frankly I’m just going to stop scrolling right there cuz I’m pretty sure all the rest will be just as positive and of course this the actual subject of last week’s episode was the Nothing Phone 3 which as I briefly mentioned earlier in the episode if you didn’t skip past that bit is set to launch in just a couple of weeks so plenty of reaction to that including a one who says “The glyphs were what made me want to phone here’s hoping the dot matrix can fill those shoes.” And Craig Daily says “I always wondered what the lights on the back of the phone were for when you actually look at the front but I can see the appeal.” Yeah it’ll be really interesting to see if Ruffing implements any fresh new features with the dot matrix panel on the back end they should do because they’ll be able to do a lot more with it than they could ever do with the glyph lights so hopefully it’ll do a lot more than just flash for notifications and do your timer shenanigans and all of that and Marge Teching says “I’m here for the dot matrix design from nothing but I know that someone is going to make a Tik Tok where they have it lit up with slurs and their next Tik Tok will be them having it removed courtesy of a proctologist.” And yes this and the fact that super mature people like myself will have it displaying a spunking and balls is the very reason that I believe that nothing won’t let you customize what actually appears on that dot matrix panel i reckon it’ll also be quite a compact panel on the back there you’ll only be able to fit really tiny words on it like tit you might just be able to squeeze on uh next up blur or is that supposed to be said like blleh like metal style could never do that really annoying anyway says uh dude it just feels like nothing phone is launching at random times uh well the nothing phone one and two were both launched in July uh summertime as well although of course they missed last year so that somewhat ruins the pattern dustin Troy De Guzman says “Long time no sea spurt it’s been almost two years since I last saw your vids.” Well by my count then that’s just over 500 videos you need to catch up on so if you start now might just about be done by next Wednesday uh Dustin continues “Damn that increase in price better be worth it they should honestly slap in the latest SOC if they’re going to be competing within that price range.” And I a few other comments saying basically it better be Snapdragon 8 Elite all the way otherwise nothing can do one which is absolutely fair cuz after all if the Poco F7 Ultra can squeeze in the air lead for a lot less cash than what the Nothing Phone 3 will allegedly cost on release then yeah why not Aussie Jean says unrelated to the topic but I was wondering if we’ll get a Mortal G56 review in the near future uh not in the near future buddy it’s actually in the near past uh right now that went live i can’t even remember when like Monday Tuesday time this week or something so definitely go give that a good odd squint frankly it’s so good it’ll make your nipples spin as Ford says “You’re only 40 saints preserve us.” Thanks they didn’t bloody preserve me that’s for sure yeah I’ve got that good old northern complexion going on it’s my daily diet of booze and peas pudding gradually morphing my head into JK Simmons’s scrotum and Tilman 99 says Steven Sigal’s latest movie had him fighting in a chair he was probably fighting with a chair just trying to get out of the bastards but yeah like the the last one I saw with him was literally just too fat to even really walk he was just waddling about the place just shooting bunnies with a handgun his special move these days is clearing a room by violently farting but I guess at least he hasn’t done a dizzy yet or at least not as far as we know anyway I’m about to be very late to go pick my daughter up from school so uh better crack on uh next week next week next week what the is next week uh next week more tech great stuff you don’t want to miss it like subscribe bell etc uh cheers love you heat heat n [Music]